An evil darkness who deceived even himself.

Part 1

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Behind, my boyfriend’s narcissistic behavior was an evil darkness who  deceived even himself.

What I expected a psychopath would look like! 

I expected I could see the evil darkness that lurked behind a pair of piercing eyes. Stunning eyes that would dissolve me into nothing but a target. However, there was literally no difference between his eyes and mine. 

No piercing! Nor any special movements. Without doubt, no psychopathic stare, that deceived even himself. Surely no special body language. In conclusion, my boyfriend’s eyes were mostly loving. Last, they also had a normal brightness when he glanced at me. Mostly when he was pretending, I was fascinating and sexy. 

In other words; he appeared just as an ordinary person while his narcissistic behaviour was manipulating me. Primarily, when he was pretending, he truly loved me.

A person living in grace of God. 
Often, I was told I was an empathic person living in grace of God. I don’t know if this is correct.
I knew I was a too trusting person believing in all good in everyone. Any barrier I may have built up he would tear down. Not realizing that I truly was a fragile sheep. Defenseless against the strong clench and the sharp teeth of the wolf.

I trusted unconditionally in him
I was not able in seeing that my narcissistic boyfriend did everything only to please the Devil in him. By that I mean; if I said or did something that he didn’t like, as he perceived any innocent comment I’d made as a full-blown attack to him.
Next, he would give me the silent treatment. The devious eyes when I confronted him with his lies or deception I’d uncover. He would, off course and flatly deny everything. Then walk out the door and leave in anger like a little man-child scorned.  
Total lack of respect for personal boundaries and inability to deal with potential confrontation. Yet he loved picking a fight. Especially when he needed money.

When I went into this relationship it was magical.
He totally love-bombed me––I was his soul mate! The fella said, he had waited for me his entire life.
“You’re the best thing that ever happened to me,” he proudly said… at least until he got me. Next, we moved in together. 
Man, I was so hooked! I had a massive BURNING DESIRE for him. Being blindfolded wearing rose-colored glasses, floating on a pink cloud of happiness on cloud nine. Worst, not seeing the many red flags in front of me. Thus, nothing looked red to me! He was just the man of my dream. 

So, loving!

So, flattering!

And so, charming!

God, I was so much in love that I could fall in love with a goat.


His only goal was to pierce my only layer of defense effortlessly. Then divulge my darkest secrets before I realized what was happening.

He just wanted to keep me as a ‘dirty little secret’ behind closed doors. Keeping me away from anyone. All my friends and family.

Behind his loving façade, I also felt the wrath of the wolf. Mostly when he drained my blood. Then he tore up my flesh.

I believe he really had a hard time sticking to a plan. And not following through with a plan. So, was he bored? I’m sure of that. Might be that’s why he needed to go from place to place. From plot to plot. Nothing was ever good enough for him. And he never intended to stay with me to begin with. He only needed the resources I could provide for him. Thus, he was constantly seeking a new thrill.

The story will continue in part 2…

Copyright © 2021 . All Rights Reserved . M. L. Stark

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