He believed he was a good person.

I have often thought if he really believed he was a good person.

 

He was good and he was bad! Kind, well-respected and intelligent in the shape of a Doctor Jekyll type and meddles with his darker side transforming himself into his ‘second’ nature as a Mr. Hyde type. I am sure he knew he was a bad person as his evil alter ego doesn’t repent or accept responsibility for his crimes and ways of life. And that he was fully aware of being immoral and was using people. 

I was an established woman. Nevertheless, my marriage was a terrible mess. Suddenly, I met this friendly man. A personality, who quickly sniffed me out as his target. He thought I possessed what was absent in him: courage and kindness. Quickly, he found out about my wealth, specialness, and empathy. Unwittingly, I become his next victim in his dreadful game he weaves, as Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde type himself.

Intoxicating attention.
Quickly the special attention he pays me became intoxicating. So much so, that I got blinded to his inappropriate behavior. I did not see his suspicious actions – until it was too late. I was caught in his web. To him, I was the chosen one to serve the purpose of mirroring for him of what he so desperately needed to believe of himself. Only of what he wished he had. Beneath the surface of our passionate love affair, something more sinister was lurking. Thereafter, I was dragged into his swindling, manipulation, and scams.

I wandered around in a daze. Sometimes trying to anticipate his next move. But only to be chasing my tail most of the time. Anyone who challenged him on any topic he was not interested in hearing other than his answer. This eventually told me he must know he’s a wicked person.

At first, I thought I was blessed with a dream man.

Then I saw the pain! And the suffering he caused in my lifetime which weren’t normal for me or anyone. Some of my mate’s responses promptly came to the surface when I told him what I really felt about how miserably he treated me. Mostly of how he mentally offended me. At some stage of my relationship with this crooked sloth, I knew he told me more about himself than what it told about me. Afterwards, I often got this in response when he was attacking me with his massive denial and rudeness:

  • Such an idiot you are!
  • Only you are making stuff up!
  • Shut up!
  • So paranoid you are!
  • That never happened!
  • It’s you who are making a fool out of yourself!

 

My lover purposely enjoyed taunting me.

Then he mirrored what I was saying. I could see it on his dirty smirk because he truly found it amusing until I couldn’t cope anymore. I just wanted to tell him how I really felt about how he treated me. Especially, when he went into his dark mood. As sweet and loving he could be, as evil he could show his mean shadowy side when he freaked out! He would never step aside, and nothing ever reached him. Instead, he got angry and smashed the ball back at my face. Then he snapped and yelled at me:

  • You are such a psychopath!
  • So ugly you are!
  • Such a piece of sh*t!
  • What a wicked person you are!
  • No one wants you!
  • Do you want to hear what I really feel?
  • It is you who are a failure and crazy!
  • Stop your lying sh*t!

One thing I couldn’t pass by was his vindictiveness

I found out how he operated when he thought I was not watching. The guy was so revengeful. He only wanted to destroy me should anything good come my way. Especially when I no longer was a financial supporting item to him. Any happiness in my life must be destroyed in any way shape or form. To that end, there were no limits.

  • I’ll destroy you!
  • No one ever liked you!
  • I’ll f*cking sue you and take everything!
  • I only let you into my life of pity!
  • I only f*cked you out of pity!

(Well, he hardly never f*cked me, because he was incapable.)

  • You are getting on my nerves!

(Was that because he had to build lie after lie and it was exhausting for him!)

Money, money, money.

It was not just the money he was seeking; it was also of a soul-less calculative approach to slowly criticize me and my life down to an empty shell.

I was so disappointed at him

My lover turned into everything, he during the love-bombing phase said he would never be.

His horrific mental illness were always two steps ahead. I as his prey were and easy target because I was just not wired like him. Being of an empathetic and compassionated nature I had allowed him in.

Thereafter, he slowly stripped me down, For this purpose, he was telling me everything I wanted to hear. Thereafter, I gave him the satisfaction of robbing my integrity, trust, and self-confidence. However, I used to consider myself a strong-willed woman, thus, and in retrospect, my experience with my lover sounds so weak and pathetic. My final question; was he ever real?

In the end he failed!

My boyfriend no longer had the power to control my life. Not after I started to sense the abuse. I was not trusting his empty promises anymore. He could no more gaslighting me into believing it was all my fault. Therefore, he abandoned me after he had secured and enforced a strong bond with his new supply.

My ex-boyfriend love-bombed the fresh target into believing I was just a crazy ex-girlfriend. Next, he recruited enough flying monkeys to slander about me, telling them he never knew of me. He knew he was hurting me. Furthermore, he believed I couldn’t get back on my feet again. Besides he also thought he could get away with it unharmed.

To begin with, I was in shock! Then he proceeded to push dagger after dagger in my already broken heart! In the end, I came to my senses. Thereafter, he did everything for no none to believe me, because they already believed he was the poor victim. In other words, and in his mind––I was the one making his life horrible. Of course, he told them that’s why he had to dump me.

The hard way.

I’ve learned the hard way! Meanwhile the guy was building horrible lies about me. Next, he was deceiving others into taking his side.

At first, I felt emptied out and robbed! Eventually, I was almost broke financially. Mostly broken emotionally after my acquaintance with him. Then I was starting over and were grateful––most importantly that I could recover. However, the spineless coward couldn’t stand it because my success reminded him of his defeat. So, he continued several years after our final brake to slander about me. The dude and his new victim were all over the place! On every social medias. Then on the entire internet, and on Facebook. Also, on my website. This was specifically to smear me.

In sum, my previous lover had not broken me completely. In fact, I was healing my lost battles. Furthermore, I came out stronger from my setbacks by regaining and take control over my life. In short, ignoring his defamation and lies about me is the best thing I can do. Finally, I know who he truly is! And he will never change.

 

Copyright © 2021 . All Rights Reserved . M. L. Stark

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