February 5, 2021 / Leave a Comment
WHAT DID HE HIDE?
Was my boyfriend feeding and using me?
Was he singling me out?
Was he toying and isolating me?
He looked human, charming and trustworthy, but he acted like a possessed vampire sucking out the blood of his victim. I felt my new boyfriend was always having one foot outside the door, by being constantly one step ahead. It seems that he lacks the essential ingredients that make our relationship to work by constantly undermining me and set me up to be endlessly defending myself.
I was wondering if he was hiding his true emotions behind his charismatic and clever personality. Inferiority, depression, anxiety, boredom, emptiness, detachment, and frustration. Yet, I was only interested in his happiness, reaching his goal of doing better in life with me. No matter what, but for him, it was an occasion to feel superior over me and look down at me as the fool who knows nothing. Like an actor he could emulate great love. He enjoyed being seen with me. Taking advantage. Gently ingratiating himself. But he didn’t know how to sustain it, because in the long run he didn’t have it in him. What lies beneath is a turbulence of swirling emotions – weakness, envy, greed, fear, and most of all, his inner anger. Emotionally, he was very unhealthy, and he needed someone or something to fix him and without my funds I was nothing to him.
He was hiding mobiles, emails, and money. For sure he was afraid if I saw what was inside his true personality. Might be he was afraid that I would leave him. Then he would lose his luxury of supplies. Nevertheless, would I find out I had been stolen by him?
It’s a mystery if he hated me so much when he smiled falsely in my face. He needed me but treated me like trash. At the same time, he was hiding his past and his future, because he had a full imagination about his future, becoming rich and at the same time build on new needs. And he was hiding his present. It was like living with a stranger and even I wanted to trust him, I couldn’t rely on him and was only coping with his baloney.
He would distort everything and hide it as long as it would take. And he talked gibberish and rudely about his exes, my children, my friends and even my ex-husband.
What my new boyfriend was really showing was only a little act of kindness to keep me hooked, showing me a third party to triangulate me. Showing me that I was worthless, not good enough, that he also was better and above everyone. He possessed a massive God complex believing he was the resurrected Jesus, helping the human mankind to become better and healthier. As Geppetto was steering his puppet in his strings, he trained me to give, and take nothing back, and showing he was better, faster, stronger, taller, and ultimately fantastic sex icon, giving me multiply orgasm I never had achieved with any man before, etc.….
Among the many hurtful things, he did, he was also hiding important stuff from me like apologies, owning a mistake, introspection, and forgiveness in between the many deceptive lovely things he did in my infatuated love I had for him.
That was among some of the things I was up against with my new boyfriend.